My Chinese New Year

This is the third Chinese New Year I've had since divorced. The first Chinese New Year as I remember, my mom asked me to hide in my room in case my grandmother found me alone at home; the second Chinese New Year, I had a big argument with my uncle who thinks he knows everything and always tries to give someone a lesson. (I have learned a lot about humanity from him.) This year, I was alone again on the Chinese New Year's Eve.

Two of my co-workers invited me to have the family dinner with them but it was not a good idea for me to spend time with others on this special holiday. I don't blame my parents for this, but I wonder how long they need to take the truth that they have a daughter who is divorced with her husband because domestic violence. If my own parents cannot admit it, I don't know how to face it myself.

Josh called me that day and told me that I need to take care of myself first before they change their mind. I need to show them how much I have changed after divorced. I need to prove that I am so much better than before. I know it and that is what I am working on; however, sometimes, I don't feel that my parents give it a damn about it.

Few years ago, when my dad saw the wound that my ex caused me, he just said, if he were my ex, he would have kicked me out of the family. Then, I ran away and they found that I called the school to talk to Allie. So, they waited there for my call and my mom said something really cruel that I will never forget.

Finally, I got divorced. My parents just don't want to admit it to the other relatives. After divorced, I get a very nice job teaching English in different schools. I've even been a translator. When I showed something I did to them, in a catalog, they didn't seem to be happy or proud of me. When I started my first class in Community College, I didn't feel that either.

I don't know why they could see their daughter being abused but they wouldn't want to see her living a better life. I can't stop wondering if I don't deserve a better life or I haven't worked harder enough to make them proud. Or, just simply because I don't give them enough money.

They don't need money, they even give me some whenever they feel I might need it. It is really hard to please them sometimes. Whenever she is talking to other relatives, all you can hear is my sister, how well she can take care of the family, how much money she has given to my mom, how well she is behaved, every good thing is like my mom, all the good qualities my sisters have are taken from my mom... None of those with my name.

I wonder who I get the bad qualities from...