Dear Blog 2

Last Monday morning, when my daddy was driving me to the train station, he asked me if Johnny said something to me. I didn't get it, so I asked my dad what he was trying to say. My daddy replied, "You know, did he ask you to get back to him or what?" I was pretty surprised when I heard that. I just simply said no and told him that if Johnny really did ask, I will never go back to him. After all, the wounds that he caused on me are not that easy to be eased. I forgive him but it doesn't mean I forget it.

Then, daddy said, "I just don't think divorced is the right thing, it's not normal. It's not like what everybody does." "You did something really bad to Allie." When I heard that, it was like giving me another wound. "Your daughters were not born to be beaten, Dad." I replied. But daddy said something I really didn't know how to reply. "That's because you are both young, you need time to 修." Just like your mom and I, we've had disagreements all the time, but we've overcome it." (WHAT !!!) "You just need time, maybe he thinks in different way now." I wanted to say "修到我被逼死或打死的那一天嗎" But, I didn't. I don't want to say such a thing to my parents. So, I just told him that he didn't do it for once, and it would have happened again and again if I hadn't left."

Daddy said, "You know, I can still pretend that there is nothing happen and smile at you when you are back. But, I just couldn't smile when I see you." That is really cruel, (But not that cruel than what he said to me when he saw my bruise on my waist.) I didn't say a word and we were in train station. I said goodbye to my dad and told him to drive carefully.

On my way back to Taipei, I couldn't stop thinking what daddy said to me. I am the one who can't make my daddy happy. No matter how happy I am, how well I can do on my job, or whatever, they don't really care. Actually, I don't know what they care now. Maybe face, maybe ... I don't know. I want to tell Josh about this, but I think he will not like it. I don't want to see him being bothered by this.

All I want is to have them on my side, support me when I need. It was hard enough to fight with him without any supporting. I really don't want to do this alone. I want to be loved...