Community College - Monday Class

The "Free Response" on page 97

1. "Americans are very friendly."

Well, I think most of the people I've met here are friendly. No matter what races they are. Some of the students think that some of the foreigners are racialists. But what I think is we Taiwanese have racism.

2. "You need friends more than money."

I agree with that. But I have to say that money is also important. Sometimes, when you don't have money, your friends will leave you, too.

3. "Most people like their jobs."

According to the survey we did in class, only very few of them like their jobs. Most of the people work just for a living. They don't like what they are doing currently; and some of them think that they are not put in the right position. Luckliy, I am the one who enjoys my job. Teaching for me is not only a job, but it's also my career.
"There is always a choice about the way you do your work; even there is no choice about the work itself."

4. Candy is good for you."

I disagree with that. Candy will cause you cavity, over-weight, and other problems due to over-weight.

5. "English is easy."

I agree with that. Honestly speaking, everything is easy if you are interested in it. Once you start learning it, never give it up. You will find that it is easy for you.

6. "Most TV programs are boring."

I agree with that. I think that is because of the cable we have. We can adopt whatever we want to watch 24/7. Therefore, everything is boring if you watch it all the time. Especially news.

7. "Homework is fun."

Well, I am the teacher, what else can I say. Yes, I think homework is fun.

8. "Public transportation is terrible."

I disagree with it. I think it depends on different cities. In TPE, it is convenient to take public transportation to go wherever you want to go. The signs are easy to read and to understand. But in Taoyuan, it's not really that convenient; or maybe I just don't take it since I have my own transportation there.

9. "Most teenagers are good drivers."

I think it depends on different people. However, teenagers under 18 are banned to drive or ride.

Frustration 2

I can feel that Josh has been struggling as I have sometimes. I really do like him. Whenever I see him around, or when he is beside me, I feel happy and safe. I know there is someone who cares about me or my feeling more than others, even more than myself. Yesterday, when he read what I posted the other day, he thought that I regretted that decision I made and he is part of the "wrong decision". I really want to tell him that he is not. I know what I did is correct. Just sometimes, when I take the pressure from my folks or others, I really don't know how to talk about this with him.

I can feel that he is trying to accept all this, accept that I have a daughter, I once had a marriage. Whenever I talk about Allie, he has some opinions about it. Not like before, he had no response. I am really happy about it. I know he is trying hard. I am trying hard to prove that I am living better now. I word harder than before, I take all the job opportunities, I work about 12 hours everyday; and I am trying to save money. It just whenever I got my salary, I need to pay Allie's tuition for her painting class, or some daily supply. I will spend less, and I will work harder. I will make it. "Attitude means EVERYTHING!!"

And about Allie's dad, I really need to find a chance to tell him.--> (Why I always think about the way to fight back afterward..... ) He said that he has given up a lot of opportunities and he has wasted the work that he has done for the past 11 years. I really want to tell him, if he wants to be a dad, that is what he needs to compromise. He has wasted 11-year work, I wasted 11 years of my time. But I really appreciate that. He makes me know that there is nothing I can accomplish. I am really sorry that he can't appreciate that. He has no fortune to see or feel how good a woman I am. Sorry for him, but that is what he deserves. All I want now is he can really take good care of Allie, educate her well. Don't treat her like what he did to me. Teach her how to love and make her feel beloved, and be appreciated. Don't make her a stuck-up person. Teach her how to be humble. I think that is all I want my daughter to be like.

The Road Not Taken - Robert Frost

Few weeks ago, I taught my students in community college the poem written by Robert Frost, "The Road Not Taken". It makes me think of every decision I've made during and after the marriage. When I decided to marry him, I knew that he was the kind of person who would abuse me or make me sorrow someday. I still married him. I hated myself more than I hated him, honestly speaking, I don't have any feeling on him now, not caring, loving or not even hating him. I hated myself for putting myself into that kind of situation, I hated myself for letting my daughter having the fear to her own dad. Moreover, I don't understand why my parents didn't stand out for me when they heard that I was abused.

So, I decided to run away; I wanted to run away from him, from my parents, from that hell. I just couldn't stand that anymore. I left without taking my daughter because I didn't want her to live in an unstable environment. I left with nothing. It was very difficult for me because I missed my daughter so much then. (I miss her all the time still.)

However, he still caught me back to the place he called "home". My life was okay in the beginning, but he became more like a control freak, even than before. I ran away again and told him that I would never go back unless he wanted to sign the paper. Finally, he said "yes".

I decided to divorce him without taking anything, not even the custody of my daughter. He said that is impossible for him to "give" me my daughter. He started treating her like his own property ever since then, I think.

The decision had made me a life that I didn't know how to deal with, I still don't know most of the time. When my parents told me how an irresponsible mother I am, I didn't know how to reply. When my ex-husband told me how much he has given up for our daughter just because he can't find anybody to take care of her, I didn't know how to reply.

Just like the poem, "Two roads diverged in a wood, and I - I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference."

Getting divorced is not an easy decision to make in this traditional family or society. After over 2 years of divorced, I still believe that I made the "right" choice. It does make a big difference in my life; but it's sometimes too big for me to handle. I am tired of that.

Personality Will Never Change

I went out with Allie and her dad today. On the way back home, I told him that I went to Linkin Park's concert Friday night. I told him that my student bought the ticket for me, but I didn't go with him since he is kind of bothering now. I was trying to start a short conversation but he just replied that relationship is the only thing I am worrying about. He said I have no idea how depressed he is because he gave up an opportunity for being a manager with very high salary because he can't find anyone to take care of Allie. When I heard that, I just kept silent. I didn't know how to reply and I can't talk about this with neither my parents or Josh. I know what I will hear.

I want to have Allie with me aside for sure, but he doesn't want me to take care of her. I think he doesn't want to lose anything or anyone. Too bad that he is still the man I know, personality will never change.

Frustration 1

Lately, I have been feeling a bit frustrated about the current situation I have. I have been working too long hours and giving myself a lot of pressure on work. That makes my health condition getting worse. My cold has never been healed and I always feel tired. Last week, I couldn't even speak a word. I really want a break sometimes.

Two weeks ago, I didn't go back to Taoyuan because I was too sick and tired. I called Allie, and told her that I was too ill and wanted a break. But afterward, I felt quilty about it. I spent whole day alone; I went to the beef noodles, bookstore, did the laundry and watched TV all day. I enjoyed the time I had but couldn't stop feeling quilty at the same time. I felt that I am not a good mother, I miss Allie everyday but I really need to have my own time once awhile. I start questioning myself if I made the right choice or not. I want to talk about this with Josh, but I am afraid that may give him more pressure.