The Road Not Taken - Robert Frost

Few weeks ago, I taught my students in community college the poem written by Robert Frost, "The Road Not Taken". It makes me think of every decision I've made during and after the marriage. When I decided to marry him, I knew that he was the kind of person who would abuse me or make me sorrow someday. I still married him. I hated myself more than I hated him, honestly speaking, I don't have any feeling on him now, not caring, loving or not even hating him. I hated myself for putting myself into that kind of situation, I hated myself for letting my daughter having the fear to her own dad. Moreover, I don't understand why my parents didn't stand out for me when they heard that I was abused.

So, I decided to run away; I wanted to run away from him, from my parents, from that hell. I just couldn't stand that anymore. I left without taking my daughter because I didn't want her to live in an unstable environment. I left with nothing. It was very difficult for me because I missed my daughter so much then. (I miss her all the time still.)

However, he still caught me back to the place he called "home". My life was okay in the beginning, but he became more like a control freak, even than before. I ran away again and told him that I would never go back unless he wanted to sign the paper. Finally, he said "yes".

I decided to divorce him without taking anything, not even the custody of my daughter. He said that is impossible for him to "give" me my daughter. He started treating her like his own property ever since then, I think.

The decision had made me a life that I didn't know how to deal with, I still don't know most of the time. When my parents told me how an irresponsible mother I am, I didn't know how to reply. When my ex-husband told me how much he has given up for our daughter just because he can't find anybody to take care of her, I didn't know how to reply.

Just like the poem, "Two roads diverged in a wood, and I - I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference."

Getting divorced is not an easy decision to make in this traditional family or society. After over 2 years of divorced, I still believe that I made the "right" choice. It does make a big difference in my life; but it's sometimes too big for me to handle. I am tired of that.